She was smarter than me, and I hate when that happens. There was but one thing to do: seize the initiative. I played the trump card God provided: I stared directly into her cleavage.
She was clearly insulting me or at least pretending to. Truth was, I didn’t even like her and certainly didn’t want to date her. I really just wanted to see if I could. What can I say, maybe it’s a guy thing, but she gives great soup.
You could add up all her looks and mannerisms and never total gorgeous, but you’d get to adorable pretty quick, and that was enough for me. Hell, I couldn’t take my eyes off her.
Listen to me: model. At best she was a model hopeful, and I was nearly twice her age. We both knew what this was.
What I remembered most about Mrs. Carmodie was she had a double-decker butt. While normal butts curve like the letter C, Mrs. Carmodie’s butt got halfway through the C, then extended several inches in a straight line like some sort of shelf before finishing the curve. The shelf on her butt was wide enough to hold two cans of soda.
I didn’t ask what happened to Chris Unger’s secretary, but I had a feeling Sal’s car had plenty of traction in the back.
I have a soft spot for children and rarely find it necessary to kill them.
My daughter made a sad sound, the kind a teenager should never have to make. It was a sound that said in her eyes I was not only clueless as a father, but hopeless as well.
“Say good-bye to your family, Creed.”
– “You tell them for me. I’ve got work to do.”
When you’ve survived a bomb blast and more than a hundred people didn’t, it’s hard to focus on rumors of a possible hickey on Paris Hilton’s neck.
Some people plan for their retirement. I plan for my imprisonment.
You never feel the splinters on the ladder of success until you’re sliding back down.
ON CONTRACT KILLING:
“I’m not her attorney. Not her judge. Not her jury. I’m not being paid to determine her innocence. I’m being paid to render justice.”
I didn’t want to ask too many questions. Questions lead to answers, and answers lead to doubt, and doubt will ruin a good contract killer.
Semtex is the explosive of choice for international terrorist groups. It’s cheap, odorless, readily available, has an indefinite shelf life, and slides through airport security scanners like a pair of silk panties.
There’s always a random element to taking lives.
“Don’t make such a fuss. This is what I do.”
Bourbon is not a pretentious drink, although there’s a movement underfoot to make it so.
(At Starbucks) You have to learn a whole new friggin’ language in order to justify spending four bucks for a cup of Joe.”
“Do you mean to tell me there’s an actual spider inside?
There’s nothing like the taste of diner French fries. They put hamburger grease in the oil.
The fundamental lesson every successful street fighter learns is you do not want to fight your opponents the way they are trying to attack you.
This guy was easier to hit than the heavy bag in my gym.
“If I die tonight, hunt this ugly bastard down and kill him like the dog he is.”
“If it makes you feel any better, you’re the only person I’ve ever offered to pay to beat up.”
“I came here hoping to strengthen our relationship, but if it’s not to be, I can always just snap your necks.”
At that moment, he seemed sweet, almost adorable. If Kathleen had been there I’m sure she would have said, “Aw, how cute.” –But Kathleen wasn’t there. And she didn’t have a gun aimed at her crotch.
“I’m coming to get you, Joe.”
I swore. Happily, it was the truth. And I was well aware that by swearing on the past I hadn’t ruled out the future.
“You can’t be this stupid, even for a lawyer.”
“That’s right, son. You’re going to be a hero today.”
“It sounds stupid when you say it out loud like that.”